So writing about this particular story made me missed a lot of things... I missed the times when we had to look for ways on how to create programs without having computers... I missed the times we lined up in the ATM machine with my fellow classmate scholars to get our allowance... I missed the times I had with my ex-housemates... I missed the times when I had to sleep under my office table to finish the development on time... I missed the times I had with my girl friends who have their own families & career to focus on... I also missed the times when I can freely share these ideas, thoughts, and feelings in a series of threads to a friend... regardless of time zones.
This story made me ponder on these times... so, this is what I wrote:
Out of the 4
characters in the story, I could very much relate to the character of Haw... not
that I am Haw, it's just that I'm not Hem (not totally). Though, I can understand
the feeling of Hem, however, in general, I am the more optimistic
type of person. I grew up with less privileges than most, so I
learned to adopt to the ropes of life. Resourcefulness is my first
lesson. I relate myself to Haw because some of the situations that he
has experienced, I also experienced myself. And the doubts that he
had, I also had with me.
Looking back
on my past experiences. There are a lot cheeses and Haw moments. I
graduated in a way that most will say with flying colors, therefore,
so much is expected of me. Like everyone else who graduated, we have
such huge dreams... a big nice house, having your own office (with
your own minions) and a lot of money... well, and sometimes part of
that dream is a prince charming.
I'll tell
you about the little cheeses along my way... My first job was a
teacher... I just took that job because I need a setback for a while.
Earn something before I moved to bigger heights. I enjoyed it,
something that I actually didn't expect. After a semester, an
opportunity opened. I got to be able to work in a software
development company that is based here in the city. During this
time, I tried to get as much cheeses of experiences that I can get.
Since our client is in Manila, logistics favors us to also move
there. It was not an easy decision since I'm really attached to my
family, but it's something that I feel I should do to get to that main
cheese. We had a great team, some of which are even my former
students. I grow, as a professional and as a person, with them.
However,
things change as we already know. I can observe that changes is
happening but I didn't do anything at the beginning. One thing that
is holding me back was the people that I worked it. I see these
people grow and now I'm leaving them there. And letting go is
something that is not easy. But change is something that you yourself
should act on. I was unhappy, therefore, I need to move on. One of my
greatest fear was that “what will people say?” “will they think
I was failure?” I realized that I was thinking more of them
rather than of me. And I realized further that the dreams that I made
was the “generic” dreams of most people, especially those who are
still starting out on their journey. I'm not saying it's wrong, but it
can be a good starting point in the maze.
When, I got
back, a project that is bigger and more social-oriented awaits me
here. Again, something that is unexpected. We get to develop modules
for the out-of-school youth... we get to teach students that have never touch nor seen a computer. These projects also include some travels. I get to see places that I have never been before. I was
thinking ,“Why wasn't I able to do this when I was in Manila? Where
every other places in the Filipinas will be accessible?”. Simply
because I was busy and consumed with my current cheese that I was
afraid to loose it. My perspective of cheese changed. Instead of
looking at the more material things, I was able to find fulfillment
in the achievements that I see in other people because of me. No
matter how little it is.
So, did I
finally get my cheese? A big house? Well, I have my own room now...
with my own bathroom. My own office? I have my own table... and my
own laptop. My minions? That's easy, I have my students. Money? Well,
I don't have money... not as much money as I imagined. But my money is
not the reason that I gain more friends... nor it is the reason of
the knowledge and skills that I have now.. it didn't gain me my
bosses' trusts. I don't have much money... but (not to brag) I was
able to be an audience with the Pope (Benedict)... experience snow...
walked with my boots on the cobbled-street of Venice and Florence...
AND ate different kinds of actual cheeses... lots of it... more
cheese than I ever ate in my entire life. And mind you, I even
witness how to make an actual cheese.
Well, I
still have fears. But it's not anymore holding me back from making
decisions that are new to me... i.e. from discovering more cheese. And I
believe that this training will be one of those big cheese. But
unlike Haw, now, I have people who will made that journey with me
along this current maze.
This I heard from a speech: There is no
pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. That pot of gold that you will
see in front of you are the gold coins that you picked up on that
journey at the end of the rainbow.
What is your big cheese now?
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